This is going to hurt

So, 2020!! First blog of the new year, of the new decade in fact, and I can now say that NEXT year is the big swim. It felt so far away at first and now it feels a bit too soon! Eek!

It has been strange to have a goal so far away. I’m usually a ’30-day challenge’ kinda girl and doing pretty well if I reach half way! But this swim is over 2 years in the making. I’m trying to live in the ‘now’ and yet hold the ultimate goal in mind and there are days-a-plenty when I’m just not feeling it. Seriously. I don’t want to go swimming, I don’t want to do core work and I love junk food! On top of that, we’ve been in the bleak mid-winter (hooray for February), my ‘normal’ life is happening, and sometimes, well, it just hurts. Physically and mentally hurts.

Over Christmas I read this brilliant book. I laughed out loud, I shed some tears and I thought about how the title could quite easily refer to life and not just to being a junior doctor in the NHS. Not the main title, maybe a subtitle or maybe just a heads up… But then maybe that wouldn’t really help anyway? Like when people say giving birth ‘hurts’ and then you actually do it and it’s like off.the.chart.

Anyways, a couple of weekends back me and the husband headed off to Dorset. I swam in a couple of rivers and even jumped off a bridge in to one of said rivers. It was a whole lot of my kind of fun 🙂

You can see it here if you fancy… https://www.instagram.com/p/B7x4EALBEpH/?igshid=75duck5kh40e

What you don’t see in the video is that I crunched my knee into the river bed.

It hurt.

To be fair, I do bruise spectacularly well (!) and thankfully my knee is pretty much all healed up now and still works. Yes I got told off by my mum and mum in law and by work colleagues and friends who think sport is bad for you. Maybe I shouldn’t have jumped?

Would I jump again?

Definitely.

So stuff hurts. Sometimes I wonder if I had known how much whether I would have done them in the first place. I generally want to avoid anything that messes with my homeostasis. But stuff is good too. Some stuff is amazing. And in the words of Bruce Cockburn, who probably knows a thing or two about pain… (too much?)

‘Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight. Got to kick at the darkness til it bleeds daylight’

This Channel swim is going to need a whole lot of fight. The swim, the adventure, hopefully the inspiration, and the fundraising will be so worth it. But kick at the darkness? Nah. I’ve got the Light of the world.

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